Here in the UK, we love a dog walk. Come rain or shine, winter or summer, you can be sure of seeing the local dog-walkers out in full force! Poo bags in hand, leads gripped tightly and treats at the ready to lure any mischievous pups away; there’s nothing more certain than the daily dog walk.
With this in mind, and partially inspired by Very British Problems, one of my favourite accounts on Twitter ever, I’ve decided to take a look at 14 problems every British dog-walker will face, whether they’re on the daily trot round the block or have opted for more of a hike with their pooch. And I’ve described each one with an appropriate GIF. I LOVE GIFs.
Before you’ve even left the house and someone drops the ‘W’ word and your dog absolutely loses it.
Leaving the house in preparation for all weathers and accidentally wearing shorts, flip flops, a ski jacket, a Peaky Blinders-esque flat cap and big old brolly.
That feeling you get a quarter of a way round your walk and as Humphrey starts to pop a squat and you realise you have forgotten your poo bags…
Panic quickly ensues as you decide whether to head all the way back home to pick up your poo bags and risk neighbours thinking you’re doing a runner or playing some kind of poo hockey until the offending do-do is in a more hidden spot.
Either way, you struggle to look anyone in the eye for the foreseeable and constantly refresh community Facebook pages waiting for someone to brand you the poo bandit.
Meeting a fellow dog-owner who you know well enough by sight, but not so well to say hello. The awkward half-wave, head-nod, corner-smile ensues, or if you’re really unlucky, all three at once. You swiftly alter your route and timing schedule to avoid any future encounters.
You meet another fellow dog-owner and try to laugh it off when their massive dog jumps up with muddy paws and nearly knocks you into a nearby canal. You laugh almost too much, perhaps to hide the tears, and continue your walk muttering under your breath about keeping dogs under control. Meanwhile your own dog does the same to another unsuspecting park goer.
When your dogs on a lead but another isn’t, and vice versa, and you have an inner battle of what the right thing to do is before chaos unfolds. You took too long to decide and chaos unfolds anyway.
You watch with envy as another dog, clearly trained, trots by with ease and composure, while your own pup nearly rips your arm off after seeing a nearby squirrel.
When your dog is in a constant state of battle with itself over wanting you to throw the ball but at the same time not wanting you to touch the ball.
Seeing a group of people admire a flock of birds or herd of animals and thinking about how beautiful it is for all of 2 seconds before your dog comes tearing round the corner in hot pursuit and disperses the magical moment.
Saying your pups name with disdain as he goes near another dogs’ behind, despite the fact that every dog does this without fail.
When your dog thinks he’s a little larger than he is, opts to carry what can only be described as a branch and takes out multiple unsuspecting walkers before you notice.
Trying to convince the local children playing in the park that ‘he’s harmless’ despite the fact he’s barking like an absolute savage and growling in a way you’ve never heard before.
Do you have any more to add to the list!? Let me know via social media, and I’ll add my favourites to this list! I feel like there’s a fair few ‘British’ problems when it comes to dog ownership, so watch this space for similar entries to this series!